I’m absolutely over it. I just want to curl up into a little ball and not be bothered with life itself.
Tonight at 12am it will be 1 year and 3 months.
It wasn’t the most perfect journey to get here but with him by my side, it sure was worth it. I love him so very much and I’m glad I’m with such an amazing guy.
I love you, baby!
I’m in such a destructive relationship. That’s all it will ever be. Arguments & attitudes.
I can act & think it’s all okay but it’s not. I need to get away from him.
I wouldn’t be able to tell you how I feel anymore. I don’t know.
I just know that I’m too good at being a sad person so it’s pointless to try to smile.
I probably give in way too easily to my emotions.
It’s like there’s two paths, the overwhelmingly long/hard one that leads to true self happiness or the easy short one that leads to temporary happiness. But that temporary happiness seems to get shorter & shorter everyday. It actually drains my entire emotion fighting or arguing & feeling like shit. So I pretend to be happy.
At what point in life is it okay to smother your negative emotions because you’re just too lazy to do anything about it.
What am I doing with myself. Why am I doing this to myself. When will it stop.
I don’t want to think I’d just rather sleep. It’s the only peace I get. Well, after I toss & turn & weep myself to sleep in an ocean of my overbearing emotions & thoughts.
I’m doing it again. Thinking about emotion & feeling them. I need to feel numb again. But I actually love someone now. It’s hard.
Please make it stop. It’s too much for someone as fragile as me.
Please be there for me & love me till my dying day. Please stop making me cry & hurt. Please just be here for me. Promise me.
For the single people out there who weep over not having someone to love, be thankful that you don’t have to deal with all the reality behind the ‘love’ & ‘romance’ & TEMPORARY bullshit. Because behind every girl & boy that you think is perfect, is an indifferent douchebag or cynical bitch. Be thankful you’re not dragged around in all this drama & hurt because your emotions latched onto something that’s rotting before your eyes. & if this post hasn’t changed your mind or reminded you that love isn’t all that great, then lets trade places. Because I’d do anything to be able to feel normal again.
Do you ever feel like you’re second best?
Try feeling that way in your family with your sister, brother, mom & dad & then get your lovely boyfriend to make you feel like that as well.
Then get back at me & remind me how shitty it feels.
Why is it so easy for people to make me cry?
I don’t want to be average. I don’t want to be average!
I want to be what I see on tumblr. I want to skinny and pretty. & have nice stuff and I imagine that when I close my eyes and then I open them up and realize I live in a shithole, look like a fucking ugly fucking little girl. I hate myself & what’s around me.
I want to be perfect for him. But I’m not. I’m not enough. I’m not what he wants. I’m what he settled for.
Why can’t weed be legalized.. I’d be okay then.